It's Two Fold.
- Jean Zartman
- Jul 13, 2023
- 2 min read

Am I the only person on the planet who wonders about this? Why am I so aware of the disparity between myself and others sometimes? Is it because I am a curious person? or that my forty year career in sales has had something to do with why I am the way I am?
Okay full transparency...Why is it some "friends" never ask you any questions about yourself much less listen? Really listen. Perhaps they know you recently returned from Italy or that you have become a new grandparent and yet, they never ask you any questions...okay maybe one...How was the weather where you were? What is the difference between us? Is it because I am a naturally curious person and they aren't? Maybe. It's two fold. It is the art of asking, and then in the stillness of active listening.
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...a few perspectives to ponder...
There could many reasons, someone could be socially inept, punished for asking questions as a child, or those people that do not ask any questions are narcissists. All they want, is for you to listen to them, to admire them. Actually getting to know you is only relevant to them, if it gives them leverage. So at least for the narcissists, they don’t ask because they don’t care at all about you or your experiences. You are just a tool to them, means to an end. Most other people at least starts asking some questions, once you start sharing personal stories.
They may be nervous about asking you questions, because they don't want to pry or are afraid of saying something unoriginal and boring. Or they may not know it's important to ask about you in the first place. More people than you'd think simply don't know it's a good social practice to take an interest in others.
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Yesterday I was on a Zoom call with a friend who I have not spoken to in some time. We do write the occasional letter to each other but talking in real time is something we don't do often enough. As we were talking, I noticed she was taking notes. Really? Notes? She then explained, "I like to take notes when I am speaking with someone because it helps me be a better listener." Her comment caused me to pause and take note as I let it sit on my heart. Before we ended our call, I realized she had not been the only one taking notes! The hour we had set aside had come to an end too quickly. Our conversation flowed like water down a river and my spirit soared with the current.
Getting back to "those friends" who never ask me about me. I don't have the answers but I can tell you, I have a feeling my Christmas card list may become a bit more manageable this holiday season.
"Asking questions is where a relationship begins. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” Albert Einstein
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